Want to know how to save your twin flame or soulmate relationship?
My particular twin flame experience began with a series of broken conversations. Whenever we spoke, things weren’t connecting. After many frustrating attempts, I put my pendulum down (I was talking with my twin in spirit). A few weeks became a few months and soon I realized I wasn’t talking at all. What had gone wrong?
It might have been this experience that rekindled my interest in personality theory, specifically Myers-Briggs. If you aren’t familiar with the Myers-Briggs typology, let me sum it up. MBTI assesses you on four primary personality categories: introversion versus extroversion, sensing versus intuition (labeled iNtuitive), thinking versus feeling, and perceiving versus judging.
Before I had gotten into personality theory and studied it in depth, I had been making the following assumptions:
- My twin had the same personality as me, or at least intrinsically understood my personality. After all, we share a core sense of being, don’t we?
- Someone in spirit would not retain an earthly personality, or would at least have a broader perspective. It wouldn’t be like talking to someone in the physical, would it?
- Those who have passed over would automatically have an iNtuitive perspective (which turned out to be an iNtuitive bias that I later discovered).
I’m willing to bet, whether your connection is physical or energetic, that you are making a few of the same assumptions. Even more so, many spiritual practitioners tend to have several personality characteristics that make them different from others. They are often Introverted, iNtuitive, and Feeling (but not always!). INFx types have unique perspectives and often seek creative or healing professions due to their personality preferences, making them quite common in spiritual communities.
So, have you ever wondered why your twin flame (or soulmate) misunderstands you, interprets things differently, or seems to behave in ways you can’t understand?
Consider the fact that you have separate consciousness perspectives and therefore different personalities!
One of the most effective things you can do to start improving your relationship with yourself, your soul connection, and anyone else in your life is to start understanding your personality. What motivates your feelings, reactions, and behavior?
For me, MBTI was the start of my journey. My twin and I had different perspectives and it wasn’t until I learned what those perspectives were that I began to see the problem. MBTI gave me a language to describe those differences and understand the areas of communication breakdown.
However, it wasn’t until I discovered the Enneagram that things really changed for me.
Why the Enneagram is vital for spiritual growth
The Enneagram is not a personality typology as such. It doesn’t measure tendencies or preferences for one behavior over another. It shows us our core motivations, our fixations, our subconscious traps. It shows us who we think we are. And with this knowledge in hand, we can start to dismantle the web of beliefs and tendencies that have kept us trapped in ourselves.
There are nine core types or ways of being separated from Source. These are called Passions, Fixations, Patterns or defense mechanisms that have developed to keep us safe in the world. Likewise, each of the nine types brings with it a gift of understanding and connecting with Source that is unique to us but can be developed through spiritual growth. Over the course of the next few months I want to discuss each type in more detail and how they can grow spiritually, overcome emotional and mental traps, and improve their relationships. Knowing yourself and your own personal habits can help you grow exponentially in your spiritual and personal development.
Briefly, each of the nine types has a unique perspective and way of viewing the world. Every type belongs to one of three aspects: heart, head, and gut, each expressing their particular aspect in a different way. It might be easy to guess at the features of the aspects from the names alone, but let’s go into more detail.
Types Two, Three, and Four: the Heart Triad
Twos are involved with people and concern themselves with taking care of others’ needs. Twos feel that to defend their own needs is selfish and hope that their needs will get met through reciprocity instead. They need to be seen as helpful and loving and may use flattery or manipulation in their less healthy state. At their best, they are unselfish, giving, loving, supportive, and motivated by meaningful connections with others. They find peace when they can allow their needs to be honored and valued as much as they value the needs of others.
Threes are motivated by appearances and make great salespersons due to their energetic, charismatic, and effective presence. At their best, they can be truly inspiring. At their worst, they may be more motivated by vanity and how they are seen than the quality of the work they are doing. Threes feel their value comes from how well they are perceived by others. They find peace when they can allow themselves to be authentic and do what feels right for them rather than what simply makes them look good.
Fours are creative, artistic, highly individualized types who seek unique and authentic expressions of self. They can become withdrawn, moody, and overwhelmed by the world around them which leads to melancholy and depression. Struggling with a deep sense of feeling misunderstood leads many Fours to battle with isolation, but it can also lead them to express their raw emotion through art and creative endeavors. Fours bring a perspective unburdened by the expectations of others and can create truly meaningful connections through their vision. They come to peace when they seek and accept wholeness in themselves rather than focusing on what they feel is missing.
Types Five, Six, and Seven: the Head Triad
Fives seek to withdraw from the outer world and conserve energy by occupying an internal mental space. They can become preoccupied with trying to figure everything out before they feel safe enough to act or participate. On the other hand, Fives can be brilliant and innovative thinkers because they do not restrict themselves to the known or the comfortable. No concept is off limits for the Five, but this can also lead to feelings of alienation and cynicism. Fives come to peace when they learn to trust that they know enough to act and can have a vital presence in the world.
Sixes assess threats in the world around them and seek to maintain stability. Often the upholders of tradition, these types are incredibly dependable, hardworking, and consistent. At their worst, however, they can let themselves become consumed by fear and often pit themselves against others. Sixes feel safest with a group identity and will seek to align themselves with something larger than themselves, whether religion or family or organization. They find peace when they accept the world is safe for them and they can let their guard down and trust.
Sevens fear what lurks within themselves and seek pleasure and experiences in the outer world, always pursuing stimulation or activity. These types are always moving, doing, and enjoying, but can become so consumed in new experiences that they neglect to really experience anything. If Sevens stop moving, they fear they will be swallowed by the unexamined darkness inside themselves that they have pushed away. In order to find peace, Sevens needs to embrace the difficult feelings of life and face what they’ve denied inside.
Types Eight, Nine, and One: the Gut Triad
Eights are forceful, big, energetic, and strong types who push through the world at any cost. They are dominate, assertive people who face fear and move through obstacles with ease. Eights fear being overpowered and looking vulnerable, so their effort goes to making themselves big and capable. While they can be protective and effective, they can also be aggressive and domineering if they are not careful. This type embodies true bodily, physical connection and is fully present in their senses. Eights find peace by allowing their vulnerability to coexist with their drive for personal strength.
Nines are peaceful, easy going, and charitable. They are the least in touch with their bodily presence and can forget themselves easily in order to get along with others. Nines feel that the best way to get through life is to avoid the obstacles caused by asserting a contrary will, so they seek to diminish their needs as much as possible. This leads to a disconnection from themselves that can create problems for them and their relationships. Nines find their peace by actively pursuing their desires and standing up for their needs.
Ones are righteous and concerned with what is good, correct, or pure. This often manifests as fastidiousness in their environment and impeccable presentation of self. Ones value self control to such an extent that they can begin to lose access to themselves, choosing to deny what is impure or corrupt inside and maintaining a strict control of the world around them to compensate. They feel a desperate sense of needing to make things right and can take it as a personal failure when things don’t go well. At their best they are hardworking, cool-headed, rational, and fair. Ones find peace when they can accept imperfection in themselves and the environment.
As you can see, each type reacts to their core struggle in different ways and can create stress for themselves by denying their true fullness. Each ego presence is a reaction to the world that separates us from Source and from ourselves. By learning about the Enneagram, we learn to see ourselves as we really are. In turn, we learn to see others as they really are.
See how this might help you with your twin or soulmate?
I invite you to check out some informative books on the matter to introduce yourself to this rich framework. Here are some of my favorites: (note: these are affiliate links, which means if you choose to make a purchase Aelestrid.net will get a small commission, so thank you!)
Personality Types: Using the Enneagram for Self-Discovery by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson and The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types, also by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.
Once you’ve seen the vast depth of knowledge the Enneagram offers us about ourselves, you can begin to approach your soul connection with compassion and understanding. Soon you’ll be untangling all of the communication issues you face and will be able to repair any damaged relationships. Self knowledge is the first step!
My goal is to help each type come into their fullest sense of self and examine what might be preventing them from doing so. Check back as we discuss each type in more detail, and feel free to comment with any thoughts or questions!