I’ve been doing some thinking on what bonds us to other people, especially when those bonds are painful. Certainly there is an element of like-attracts-like in regards to the energy we’re putting out into the world, but I think it goes deeper than that. The people we are close to in this life are people we’ve met before in our soul’s history. I think these types of connections can best be described as karmic relationships.
Karmic relationships, in my understanding, are connections we have with other people that stem from a prior dynamic we have had, oftentimes traumatic or emotionally strong. I believe these are the kinds of connections that were formed during other lifetimes together where we played any number of roles with each other. Maybe we had a parent/child dynamic, or a victim/perpetrator one, or a partnership. In any case, some energy from our shared prior experiences still remains and we are brought together in this life because of it.
A lot of people who are in karmic relationships find themselves replaying dynamics that they don’t fully understand. Perhaps the relationship is difficult or unpleasant, and yet no one can really articulate why. However, the people involved can’t seem to get away from each other.
Sometimes these connections manifest as toxic relationships. And people find themselves stuck, either because they feel such a strong draw to the other person they can’t walk away or because they feel obligated for some reason to stay. Maybe they feel they have a lesson to learn with this person. Here’s what I think that lesson is:
Get out and break free.
Sometimes, you are brought together to try to heal and move on. Other times, healing the relationship may not be possible, because one or both people involved are unable or unwilling. If the relationship has been toxic and no attempt by either party has been made to heal it, or all attempts fall flat, it’s time to acknowledge that no matter what, no matter how much you love this person or feel connected to them, the best thing you can do for them and for yourself is to walk away.
So many people choose to be stuck, feeling they can’t face the alternative (being without the other person and being alone) or that they have an obligation to stay. One of the hardest things we can do is take a stand and risk the things we are afraid of (upsetting the other, being alone, not meeting social expectations) to do the best thing for us.
If you find yourself in a relationship that is toxic but that you keep making excuses for (especially if you are a spiritualist and believe God/the Universe put you together for some reason), it’s time to take a hard look at what God/the Universe really wants. Do your higher sources want you to be miserable, unhappy, dis-empowered, and disrespected? Or do they want you to feel strong, safe, empowered, and like you deserve the best? Which one of these scenarios is your relationship giving you now?
Remember that you always have the strength to walk away from someone when that someone is hurting you. Don’t ever feel like you owe it to them to stay. You are not responsible for their growth or happiness! You can only be responsible for your own!